Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize