you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
