your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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