just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need moral support for this bender
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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