I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
