Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
