Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
