It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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