singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so let's talk penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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