so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
