they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
