Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
