Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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