and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
