Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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