dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
