remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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