I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
