my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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