whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
