he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
