is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
