do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it penis luge time yet?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
