I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
