The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
