I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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