u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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