I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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