He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
