You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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