I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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