last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
