I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
