fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
