No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
