Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize