Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
