hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
