my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize