I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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