You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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