My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
