11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
