I hate your face
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
