sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
