I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
