In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
