it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
