you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
