My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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