after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
