onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
