sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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