if only i could text you this smell
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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