Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
