Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
