Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize