walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
