Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
