Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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