i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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