a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need water and some morals
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
