Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and she was petting her beer can
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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