I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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