So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
