I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
