pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
