i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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