I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
