I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
