Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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