He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
