I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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