Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
