Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
