I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
