YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My ATM looks so different sober.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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