you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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